Delivering feedback effectively isn’t just about what you say—it’s how you say it. Leadership expert Dave Anderson emphasizes that tone and inflection play a critical role in communication, especially when holding people accountable. In the latest edition of Lessons in Leadership, Anderson shares insights from his Master the Art of Accountability class, stressing that emotional control and professional delivery are key to ensuring feedback resonates.
First, Anderson begins by highlighting a common challenge: emotional control when giving tough feedback.
In his two-day accountability course, he asks attendees how many struggle with keeping their emotions in check—at least half raise their hands, and he suspects even more could relate. He notes that emotions often arise because people care deeply, but that care must be channeled professionally to be effective.
Drawing from negotiation expert Chris Voss, Anderson illustrates the power of delivery. He references FBI training, where even if negotiators used the right words, an aggressive tone undermined their success. On the other hand, a calm, controlled, and conversational delivery led to better outcomes. Anderson reinforces this with a UCLA study showing that 55% of communication is body language, 38% is tone and inflection, and only 7% is the actual words spoken.
This insight underscores why professionals must master tone and inflection in difficult conversations. Anderson urges leaders to avoid sounding condescending, personal, or profane and to refrain from raising their voice. He also extends this advice beyond the workplace, noting that how individuals communicate at home sets a broader standard for their interactions everywhere.Â
By consistently practicing controlled, respectful communication, leaders can ensure their message is not just heard, but truly understood.
"How you do anything is how you do everything. If you talk to your kids and your spouse like a jerk, it's going to wiggle out and you're going to talk to your people like a jerk because that's the standard you're setting for yourself."– Dave Anderson
